Feeling stuck, tired, or blocked—but not sure why? You might be self-sabotaging without even knowing it. In this episode, I reveal 7 sneaky self-sabotage patterns that could be draining your energy and slowing your progress in work, relationships, personal growth or with any goal or intention you have for your life!

You’ll Learn:

• Why being “too tired” might not be about rest at all
  
  
• How self-judgment and people-pleasing quietly block your goals
  
  
• The emotional root behind behaviors like scrolling, shopping, or snacking
  
  
• Why not scheduling things is actually a form of delay
  
  
• What to do instead of waiting for a “big break”
  
  
• How to work with your own resistance rather than fight it
  
  

Let’s shine a light on what’s been hiding in your blind spots—so you can finally move forward with clarity, confidence, and inner peace.

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YouTube: Psychic Medium Joy Giovanni

Episode Transcript:

hey, beautiful soul, welcome to Spirit Speakeasy. I'm Joy Giovanni, joyful medium. I'm a working psychic medium, energy healer and spiritual gifts mentor. This podcast is like a seat at the table in a secret club, but with mediums, mystics and the spiritual luminaries of our time. So come behind the velvet ropes with me and see inside my world as I chat insider style with profoundly gifted souls, we go deep, share juicy stories, laugh a lot, and it wouldn't be a speakeasy without great insider secrets and tips. You might even learn that you have some gifts of your own so step inside the spirit speakeasy.
Hey, beautiful soul, welcome back,
or welcome in for another episode of spirit speakeasy. On this week's episode, we are gonna cover the seven sneaky self sabotages that may be blocking your flow right now. What are they and what can you do about them? Sometimes we may be subconsciously self sabotaging, even holding ourselves back without even consciously knowing it. So if you have been feeling held back, perhaps one of these sneaky self sabotages is affecting you in ways that you don't even know. Often, it's a little quiet part inside of ourselves that's trying to protect us, sometimes based on a fear or an unconscious held belief or program. And again, it's usually held unconsciously or subconsciously. So today, I'm going to share seven of the biggest sneaky ways that I see self sabotage sneaking its way in with clients, friends and of course, myself. Some of these may have shown up at different times in your life, in different ways, and some of them you may have never experienced yourself before. So I encourage you to do a quick scan of your life and the different areas of your life as you listen to this week's episode and see if you may be holding yourself back in any of these sneaky self sabotaging ways. Once you notice the behavior, you could evaluate and see if it's coming from a place of fear or resistance somewhere deep within you, or if it's coming from something else, like timing, more data to collect, a certificate to gain, etc. Maybe that's why you're dragging your feet right. There's a difference between being working on something right, like getting a certificate, to being unconsciously delaying it, for example, and both can be true at the same time. So it's tricky for each of these seven sneaky self sabotages. I'll work through an example like I would with myself or a coaching client, so that you can start to see how to dig deeper and get clear and shift the energy in your own life so you can stop self sabotaging even unconsciously, these seven sneaky self sabotages can show up in any area of our lives. So in this episode, I'll often use the term the thing, and you can insert the various areas or goals in your life. For example, in some of these seven, we may need to assess how much we want, quote, unquote, the thing. The thing can be the job, the relationship, the new car, the healthier lifestyle, a tidy living room, or even a habit or a hobby. So sometimes, as we work through these and I'm doing the coaching side of it, the remedy,
some of it might be like, how much do you want the thing? So as you're listening and kind of going through those areas of your life, just swap in when I'm saying the thing, whatever it is that's your goal, your area of focus, the thing that you say you're wanting to create or experience. So this brings me right to our first of these seven sneaky self sabotages, being too tired, if it's not a medical situation and it's not a mental health situation, of course, we want to check those first to make sure nothing is going on. Check in on how much you actually want to do the thing like we were talking about, what do I mean? Of course, we want to look at physical causes or mental health causes to be sure you're not overlooking something, and we all get a little rundown from time to time, right? But if you're in good health, you're getting enough sleep, and you're not under any undue stress or kind of extreme stress or unusual stress. This could be unconscious self sabotage showing up. So if you find yourself feeling or even using the excuse of, I'm too tired, or some version of that that fits for you, for something you say you want to do, it's time to dig a little deeper. So here's the example. Do you say that you want to intentionally cultivate chosen friendships? For example. People, but every time you have a day off, you find yourself saying you're quote, unquote, too tired to make plans, or you're dreading the plans that you've already made. Check in with yourself. These are some of the questions that I would ask myself in this type of situation. Am I actually too tired, like for real, for real, and I would be going through the areas, is there something wrong with me? Medically? Is there something wrong with me? Physically? Do I have a cold or flu? Is there something wrong in a mental health way? Am I depressed? Is there something going on personally? So I would start kind of checking the areas of my life. The next question I would ask myself, Is the person or people you'll be meeting up with someone that you have selected as a person that you want to invest in cultivating a friendship with, which was the thing, in this case, your original goal in this example, or do you not want to spend time with this person? Because in this example, of of you say that you want to cultivate friendships, then you're too tired to hang out. It could be that it's the person that's inviting you or that you're thinking about hanging out with. It's just not a person you want to be with. But you could have this unconscious block of, oh, I want to be nice. I want to be accommodating, so checking in with is the person or people that you're going to be meeting up with. Is this someone that you even want to be cultivating this relationship with, or is this the person you don't want to spend time with the next thing I would look at is, is there something about the meeting details making you uncomfortable? Could it be the time of day, the place that we're meeting, the activity that we're supposed to do together? And would changing any of these details change your energy level, right? Because maybe this friend wants to meet you at, I don't know a golf driving range, and you're like, don't like golf, or not into golf. It may be the activity that's making you feel like, Oh, I'm tired. I don't want to go to this. But if changing that activity would make you feel more energized, more inspired, different about going, perhaps that's the issue. Perhaps it's not that you're actually tired, Okay, the next thing I would look at as I'm looking at, do I actually want to be doing this? Are there any emotions to work through here? Are you anxious about something? Is something else going on underneath, right? Is it actually that you're too tired, or is there an emotion or something going on underneath here? So is there any emotion we need to look up. The next question I would nudge myself or a client with is, could you go for 60 minutes, right? Could you just go for 60 minutes? And I would see how that question feels in your body or in your energy, because sometimes when we ask ourselves, okay, you're supposed to meet that friend. You're tired. Could you go for 60 minutes? Sometimes it's like, well, yeah, okay, I guess I could go for 60 minutes and have a little appetizer or something. But sometimes in your body, your body will say, No, I don't even want to go for two minutes, let alone 60 minutes. And then with all of that information that you got from those questions, that's how you can start making the choice with the information, right? So that's how to test if you're self sabotaging with this too tired number one, sneaky self saboteur. Okay? Number Two of our sneaky self sabotages is self judgment, self assessment, with a willingness to grow and a compassionate understanding of yourself and the choices you made or didn't make is really great, right? We need to do self assessment, but once it tips into self judgment, we're often in a self sabotage danger zone. Self judgment can even evolve into feelings of not being good enough, like not being good enough to even have the thing that you're sabotaging or being afraid to have it at all. In this case, the thing, quote, unquote, can be part of a bigger goal or challenge. For example, maybe you're judging yourself about a presentation that you gave at work, and the presentation wasn't received as well as you had hoped, right? And because the presentation was important to your overall career goals, your overall life goals, or maybe even your self image, it can be a little more weighty than just the presentation. So is, is the thing tied to something bigger? When we're looking at self judgment here, maybe you're judging yourself because it's tied to something bigger. Additionally, this self image piece of it could be something that's been like a recurring challenge for you, and this self judgment may spread across various areas of your life. So the remedy here, when we notice we've tipped from self assessment into more of like a self judgment. The remedy is just to keep an eye on this idea of self judgment and growth being part of the same spectrum as self evaluation, right? Self Evaluation is good. In most cases, self growth is good, but once we start to tip into that side of. Spectrum where it's, you know, self judgment or being overly self critical, right? That's not going to be that's not going to be a healthy place to be anymore, right? So keep an eye on it, and remember that they're on the same spectrum, so you can be more aware of it. And really the question to ask yourself here with self judgment, where is your finger pointing in the scenario that you're going through as you review the details in your mind. So in this case, the presentation right? You did this presentation, it wasn't as well received as you'd hope. Where's your finger pointing when you're assessing like you're going over in your mind, the preparation that you did for the presentation the morning of the presentation, the presentation itself, are you option one, pointing your finger at someone else to blame or to have victim mentality? Right? Like that person already had it out for me, or this person didn't bring their components to the presentation, right? Is option one, your finger pointing out at someone else. Option two is your finger pointing at yourself with something like disappointment or negative or harsh inner talk? Right? Are you pointing that finger at yourself when you're assessing or option three, are you pointing your finger towards the future and thinking, what could I learn or change from this experience for the future. Maybe it's in the prep and the way we did it. Maybe it's in the setting up the meeting itself. Maybe it's something that we could change in the presentation, right? But so starting to when you have that self judgment, look at where, where is the finger pointing in this harshness? Is it pointing at you? Is it also pointing at others? And can we reframe it and point it towards the future, plus noticing? Is this self judgment, this, this harmful critique tied to something bigger? Is it tied to my bigger overall self image or my bigger goals? Okay, PS on this one, for some a sneaky presentation of this type of self judgment, self sabotage may even be self judgment over something that we need assistance for, right? So it doesn't have to be like a project or something we've quote, unquote done or or didn't do. It could even be self judgment over something that we need assistance for, like getting a coach or a therapist, and there can often be old unconscious programming as part of the self judgment, kind of like inner talk that can sound like a version of you, like you should be able to do this yourself. You shouldn't need help for this. So this one can go really deep and sneaky self sabotage number three of our seven sneaky self sabotages is not putting it on the calendar or scheduling action steps. For example, action steps might be research and sign up for XYZ class that I need to take around this thing that I'm starting, or if you notice that you're pushing something back on the calendar repeatedly, it gets on your calendar, but then you're pushing it back, pushing it back, and not doing the thing, whatever that is for you, this one is pretty self explanatory on the surface, but the real mystery starts to unfold when we dig a little deeper at Why the next steps are not on the calendar. So if you're, for example, finishing the certification, like we were talking about earlier, like actually finishing it, or waiting for a clearance or an approval of some kind, this, most likely isn't you in this, in this, not putting it on the calendar, self sabotage, because you're working actively on your next step. So if it's if you're working actively on it, and it just keeps moving down, like getting delayed on the calendar because of external circumstances, and you're putting your effort into it, this one's probably not you, but whether it's business or personal, just put the thing on the calendar. And actually, I would love it if you would even calendar the next steps, if there are any, and the steps after that, and after that, for example, if you want to start a small business, you may have even already done some of the foundational work. You might have done some of the research, but you haven't taken that next step in this example, like going down and getting the business licenses in this sneaky self sabotage example. I start by asking, do I actually want to do the thing in real life, like all of it, every part of it, or do I just like the idea of having that thing one day, right? Do I really want to do a business and everything that a small business entails, or do I just, like the idea of, like, Oh, I'm gonna have a small business one day, and then I'll check again and say, like, really, is that really true? You really wanna do the thing and all the things that come with the thing.
So, if so, then the next if the answer is yes for you, right? Like, if so, so the answer is yes. I really want to do the thing. I really want to start this small business. Okay, then the next question would be, if so, when? When do you want to do that? Do you really want to do it now? Do you want to do it in a year? Do you want to do it in 10 years? Because that helps you really understand your actual intention, and if it is wanting to do it now, then put it on the calendar, which dates and times, and what will you get done? Do you need to prepare anything for that in advance, like documents and information, and when will you do that? Right? So in this example of starting the small business, maybe you've done a little research. What day on the calendar, when are you going to carve out the time to go into that business office in the city that you need to go into and get the paperwork? So, like, pick a specific day, okay, in two weeks, on Thursday, I have time in the afternoon, I'm going to go, and then it would be okay. Well, is there anything you need to prepare? Let's make a list of things we need to prepare, and then putting on the calendar. What day am I going to collect these items? Okay, I'm going to start collecting them this Tuesday at in the morning. I have a time so it's getting very specific about what needs to be done, and then putting those specific things on the calendar, and again, checking in with do I keep moving this down the calendar like I'm never getting to it. It's just an idea. Life is always busy, and it doesn't have to, like, stop us from doing things we want to do. And because life is so busy, if it doesn't get on the calendar, if it doesn't get scheduled, it's probably going to take a lot longer to move yourself forward and experience any real results on this calendar, like on this step that you're wanting to do, and in this sneaky self sabotage, I also like to keep an eye on the next steps, because if we aren't actively aware of the next steps of our thing, in this case, we won't know what to put on the calendar next. And that can be an area you need to hone your expertise in. For example, it could be a community you want to join. It could be a next goal and how you might track it or measure it. Next steps can be just about anything, depending on what your thing is in this example. But just notice, if you're avoiding putting things on the calendar around the thing that you're saying that you want, right? It's great to even with the friends. Example. It's great to say you want to hang out with friends. But if we're not putting something on the calendar, it's never going to happen, and then it's evaluating through those questions. Again, Okay, number four in our seven sneaky self sabotages, is sabotaging behavior, or the way I put it, was sabotage, sabotaging behavior and actions which could be anything from Doom scrolling and online shopping to eating a whole bag of Cheetos to blowing up in emotions over something really small for no reason at all. Seemingly it can be compulsive behavior. Self Sabotage can be when we're resisting something or in fear, even unconsciously remember. So the remedy here, if we notice that we're doing self sabotaging behaviors, is more about being aware of the behavior and the pattern than the intention. That's the thing that's like easier to catch, because it's typically unconscious self sabotage, right? So, for example, are you scrolling when another important next step needs to be done? Like, is there a time where there's something you want, you're supposed to be working on it, and instead you find yourself scrolling, right? For example, are you eating a pint of ice cream because you're dreading that difficult conversation that you have, are you picking a fight with your partner out of nowhere, and then you're too upset to get to the gym that night. The behavior or action is really the key here to this one, the self sabotaging behaviors and actions and as illustrated above, the behavior does not need to be in the same category as the thing. That's why this one qualifies as one of our sneaky self sabotages, and that's why paying attention to your behavior is so important. Because the reason why we're doing the behavior can sometimes be unconscious, especially if the behavior doesn't seem at all related to the thing like picking a fight with your partner out of nowhere and then being upset to go to the gym, when health and wellness in the gym is your thing in this scenario that you're wanting to achieve. So let me take this one step further and see if I can make it a little more
clear for you.
Your job here really is to notice. Okay, so I know it's not usually like me to eat a pint of ice cream in one hour? Was that the most delicious ice cream I've ever had? Or are there some emotions going on here about something, right? So noticing the behaviors out of character. And maybe it's not a pint of ice cream, maybe it's a corp like the big like the bigger kind. Maybe it's a half gallon and it's in. Just a couple days, so noticing the behavior checking in like, Okay, this is the best ice cream in the entire world. Or are there some emotions going on here about something, and then the next step would be, okay? Am I worried or anxious about something? Am I angry or sad or upset about something? Am I feeling insecure or jealous? Am I having some fear of something that's coming up that I need to do? Am I feeling restricted in some area? Because human nature is to push against especially when we feel squeezed or restricted in some way, and depending on what comes up for you, you could also look at medical answers here, for example, just a little reminder, some pregnant women compulsively crave dirt to eat when their iron is low. So you never know. I recently worked with a client who had picked a fight with her sister. They're both adults in this example, and her sister is her best friend. And she picked this resort not just on a regular day, but when they were on this really special sisters best friends trip at a resort type retreat weekend, she blew up over appointment times, and in the moment, she said she felt like her sister was always trying to cut in front to take the better option for herself. And as it unfolded through our conversation, she said, nothing actually provoked her. They didn't have any challenges going on in their relationship in the moment, and everything was looking pretty good. But as we dug a little bit deeper through the layers of energy and looked a little more at some specific questions and worked the possibilities of what could be going on here, it came up for her that her little family unit had just worked on some of the documents very recently, like wills and power of attorney and guardianship for kiddos, just some estate planning, and she had to choose the guardians for her own children, and she felt a lot of anxiety of naming one of her they She has three additional sisters, and so four sisters together in total. And she was having this like underlying unconscious anxiety about having to choose one of her sisters to name in her will as the guardian for her kids should something happen to her. And she was feeling so much anxiety about this that she several months later, when I talked to her, was still avoiding giving this last document to their attorneys to finalize this document that names the guardian for the kids. And all of this also led to us understanding more about the true, sneaky self sabotage. Reason why she hadn't put some of these things in her calendar as well? Because had she put that getting this to the attorney on the calendar, she might have known, okay, I'm having some resistance here. Something's going on. But she ended up picking this fight with her sister that was over something that her sister had nothing to do with, even a choice that she had to make that she was feeling anxious about. So again, the self sabotaging behavior. So you would notice the behavior, man, I just blew up really quickly with my best friend over this thing, and that feels really strange. Are there some emotions going on here that I need to deal with? Am I anxious or worried about something. Am I sad or upset about something? Am I feeling like insecure inside of myself or jealous? And so then I, you know, seeing what comes up, you can really unravel this for yourself and realize she realized that while the blow up argument over this, like weird little scheduling, massage treatments or something, is what happened, it was sort of adjacent, because it was still, you know, a family matter. It was really a totally different thing than picking a different sister for The Guardian on her will. So noticing that self sabotaging behavior of, yeah, just behaviors that are sabotaging is really the key to that one, okay, number five of our seven sneaky self sabotages is Get ready. Complaining, complaining about how hard it is to achieve the thing, complaining that no one is helping you with the thing, complaining that someone else has gotten their thing easier. There's a little disclaimer with this one, though, complaining is different than venting. Everyone gets frustrated sometimes, and venting really can be a healthy part of our creative process as human beings, but venting becomes complaining when we're using the topics over a long period of time and they start to become excuses for why we ourselves are not taking action on the thing, right? So it's one thing to just have a little venting session and move on or be mad about something for a week, but if you notice, okay, these these things are becoming excuses or reasons that I'm using as to why I'm not taking action on this thing, then we've tipped into a little bit of a date. Your zone, and complaining can often feel
or sometimes even present itself like that victim mentality. Or complaining can feel like resentments, and sometimes other people perceive it as drama. So if you've ever had someone say that you're being very dramatic, maybe you're complaining. The remedies here are kind of similar to the last noticing. What do you notice that you're talking about when you're speaking? Maybe you catch up with several friends or colleagues throughout the week. Is there something that you are bringing up over and over again, just noticing? Maybe it's things about your family, maybe it's things about a big win that you've had, or maybe, you know, maybe it's complaining. So just kind of noticing, what are the things you're bringing up when you're having real conversations? Do you hear yourself repeating and refining some version of a victim's story as you're sharing and talking with people? And you may have even noticed in your history someone else doing this. It's sometimes easier to see things with others. But if you can think about a friend or a person that you know that or you've heard them tell this victim story so many times, and in the story, they're like refining the details and making themselves even more, a little bit victim in the corner. So just start paying attention. And if you're sharing with others, are you hearing the same advice, right like so maybe you do have a challenge happening right now, and you're you're sharing with several people to get their opinions, which you guys, know, I am not a huge fan of, I think, like trustworthy advisors, but not everybody. We're not taking a poll of everybody's opinions of what we should do. But if you are, and you're kind of checking in with lots of people about this situation that's going on, are you hearing the same advice over and over and over again, and are you considering it? If so, it's one thing if one person gives you a piece of advice, but if you're hearing the same advice about the same situation over and over, probably worth considering. And if you're not considering it, it's a great red flag for you that you are there's something about this discomfort or the thing that you're complaining about that you're hanging on to or not wanting to resolve. So that's a really good red flag for this one. This complaining, are you building a case against the thing? So this can also be a sneaky way that we can complain, building a case against the thing. And the question here is, Have you changed your mind about the thing, right? So as you're sharing with others, and you hear yourself complaining about this one topic or area over and over and over, just notice, do you feel like you're building a case against it. I think one of the easiest examples here for me is relationships. This is when I see with clients, often when they're processing releasing a relationship right the end of a relationship, the breakdown of a relationship, and often you can feel the person making a case against the relationship or against staying in the relationship. So notice, if you're doing that, when you're talking about whatever this thing is for you, are you building a case? Are you making a case against the thing and asking yourself, have you changed your mind about it? It's okay to change your mind about a relationship or a job or a hobby or something that you wanted and not want it anymore. You don't need to build a case against it. In some cultures, complaining is just part of the way communication works, and you're actually expected to show up with your list of what's going wrong in your life this week. And if this is the case for you, I might evaluate what the goal of the thing is for you, and ask yourself, if surrounding yourself with other people who are constantly in that complaining mentality, or complaining way of communicating, is that in alignment with the thing you're trying to achieve, right? And then maybe just making some different boundaries? I put a little pro tip on this one. Sometimes we can unconsciously slip into this mode when we're looking for permission to quit pursuing the thing. So sometimes we complain to several people, almost like collecting signatures to co sign our petition to ultimately quit in advance, right? No shade at all. On this one, I've definitely done that. But we sometimes, especially if you notice you're saying the same thing to several people, and it feels like you're wanting them to be on your side with this, not like you're really intending advice or brainstorming, and you notice, oh, maybe I am building a little bit of a case against the thing, just noticing, like, do I feel like I'm a little bit getting people to co sign because I'm trying to end this thing, this job, this relationship, this pursuit, and I just want some permission from outside of myself. So those are some good red flags and check ins for the sneaky self sabotage, of complaining our number six self sabotage, of our seven sneaky self sabotages is waiting or expecting a big break to just. Up, or even a bigger feeling of motivation. Sometimes it's not like a big break we're waiting for. Sometimes it's like waiting to feel motivated again, waiting for this big feeling of motivation to show up. I'm really against waiting for the big break, right? And I think it's culturally sometimes, something that we've seen through movies, through books, right? The big break happens. Did you know I've got a soapbox a little bit on this one. Did you know that Brad Pitt's first acting job was actually wearing a sandwich board advertising for, like a sandwich shop, dressed up and standing outside like a like a cartoon sandwich? When I was a working actor, I remained in an acting class. You guys know, I believe in education. I believe in having mentors and whatever we're wanting to achieve, and it helps us to move our goals forward. So when I was acting, I was in acting class, and some of my classmates are actually now well known actors in their career, and even at the time, my teacher had actually been George Clooneys acting coach many years before that, and I may be really dating myself with this one. But did you know for some of you, George Clooneys, quote unquote, big break. His first TV job was on that show Facts of Life in 1985 and it wasn't until 1994 11 years later that he became known, quote unquote on the show, er, which some of you may remember, was a really popular show in the mid 90s. And even though he did a few movies, he didn't become a quote unquote movie star until the year 2000 with that movie, oh brother, we're out now. And then after that came the Oceans 11 and additional movies, and back then, from going from TV to movies as an actor was like a really big leap. But if you notice, the difference between his big break in 1985 and when he actually started to become known as a movie star was more than 15 years, more than 15 years, and he had already been acting and auditioning for quite some time when he got that big break. Roll in 85 on facts of life. So what's my point? Through acting, I really learned one of the most important lessons that the quote, unquote big break doesn't come as one big break, but rather it comes as a series of little wins, often over many, many years, because the relentless and continual doing of the thing is the ultimate purpose. Actors just want to do the job of acting right. Success is the bonus or the byproduct, but doing of the thing has to somehow move you at a soul level. And these big breaks in different areas of our lives may come, but we live in the meantime, right? We live in the day to day, in the time along the way, in the journey. So ask yourself, why?
Why are you expecting the big break? Are you in it for the love of the sport, or are you in it for the spoils of success? Right? So the other thing i i learned about the big break is that it is often just these small steps, diligent, slow, turtle, tortoise in the hair, right? Turtle in the hair kind of a thing, just slow and steady, diligent pursuit, doing the thing over and over and over. And I think about not just actors, but artists of all kinds. And I know this is true in lots of different careers. I know we often think about it as so linear, like climbing the ladder, and that certainly a big break should happen, but again, I find it as one of the biggest of the sneaky self sabotages waiting for a big break to show up. I haven't seen it work that way. And even when people do get what is their big break, it doesn't just catapult them out of nowhere into this new universe. It's work that they have been doing over years to hone their skills, become an expert, become that highest level, that highest caliber of artistry in whatever their art form is. So don't wait for that big break. But step by step, be honing your craft, honing your skills, sharpening your tools in whatever the thing is for you, and it has to be about the love of the thing, right? The love of the relationship, the love of the learning, the love of the field that you're in, for example, whatever it is for you. And if it's like a fitness or health regime, the love of yourself, right? Because, yeah, the big break might come. Eventually you might get handed to you on a silver platter, the most amazing opportunity around whatever your thing is, but the thing has to somehow move you at a soul level, because we live in the day to day journey of the practice of the thing, right? So hopefully that one makes sense. No. Waiting around for big breaks to show up, or even a big feeling of motivation. It just doesn't work that way. Yeah, we might get these wins of meditation once or motivation. Meditation of motivation once in a while, but it's not going to be every day. It's just going to have to come from discipline and the love of the thing, right? So let go of expecting big breaks and number seven, our final of the seven, sneaky self sabotages. This one is a little interesting. People pleasing your way out of doing the thing now. Delays happen, unexpected emergencies come up, even big things come up in our lives that need our attention immediately and sometimes might need our attention for a prolonged period of time, right? These are not the type of things I'm talking about here that doesn't fall under the category of self sabotage, that falls under the category of like being human. Recently, my one of my kiddos was moving, and it just was something I needed to give a little bit of more time and attention to for a couple weeks period, and then back to the thing, right? So delays happen. That's not what we're talking about here. We're talking more about
if you are now, or if you ever have slipped into the role as a people pleaser. What I know about you is that you're caring and you likely support others in some or lots of capacities, and you probably frequently have put yourself or your own needs behind everyone else's. And while caring and being supportive and strong are great qualities without boundaries, they can quickly become part of that danger zone for sneaky self sabotages again. So this need to please can show up as anything from wanting to be accepted to wanting to be a giver to wanting to help out. And sometimes it ends up being straight up CO dependent. In some cases, I've got to be honest and because being helpful or strong is so valued in our society, this one can be extra sneaky, since it's often looked at like as on the healthy side, or even as being rewarded, right? We're rewarded for self sacrifice culturally, most of us, and particularly female presenting people so the need to please can be a little sneaky, because sometimes we're rewarded for it, right? So it can take it can make it very easy to hide behind people pleasing and use it as a little sneaky self sabotage wall like built around us, easy not to notice the self sabotage of it all, when you're so busy pleasing and helping, right? Because then we get praise for that, or people appreciate it. So this sneaky self sabotage can often be a little more complex, because sometimes it can be also intertwined with things like actual obligations or needs like keeping your job, and is often tied to some pretty deeply held beliefs about the way the world around us works. For example, like I was saying, most people in a female body have some level of institutionalized programming around being sweet or being agreeable. Don't raise your voice. Be ladylike, be appropriate, be pretty right? So some of us have grown up with that programming, and it can be helpful to explore things like fears. What happens if you find ways to also prioritize yourself or the thing that you want to go after, whose permission or acceptance do you need to truly give 100% at the thing? Again, I would check in on things like, do you actually want the thing? Is it more important or less important than people pleasing, than whatever this is that you're doing to people please? What can you do to work on the discomfort around releasing people pleasing behaviors? As a recovering people pleaser myself, it can be really uncomfortable to release people pleasing behaviors, because people come to expect it of us. We tend to be the easy one to say yes, or we often do genuinely want to help. But can you hold fast and make some boundaries for yourself so that you don't have to roll over and prioritize everyone else as a people pleaser. So what can you do to work on that discomfort around just not doing the people pleasing behavior? I've said this before, but for any recovering people pleasers out there, besides me, with very few exceptions, I use the trick of saying, let me check and get back to you pretty often to ask myself some questions before just agreeing, which could often be kind of the natural response of sensitives and people pleasers, like just to agree to the thing, like, Oh yeah, sure, I can do it. Let me help, let me look, let me see when I can do it. But instead, if someone makes a request of you, and you know that you struggle with boundaries or with. People pleasing or prioritizing yourself. The trick I use for that, because I clearly struggle with it, is, you know what? Let me check and see if I can do that. Let me check and see if I have a day free on my calendar. Just give me, let me call you tomorrow and let you know, and that gives me enough space to really check in with myself, like we were just talking about. So those are the seven. I also want to just put a little PS on here. This might be a little bit of a hot take, or like a controversial take. I believe quitting is okay through a lot of these self sabotages. Sometimes, part of the reason that we're doing the unconscious, sneaky self sabotage is because we don't actually want to do the thing. Maybe we did want the thing at one point. Maybe we really put a lot of our heart and soul into the thing. Maybe other people around us sacrificed because we wanted the thing, and then we just don't want it anymore. Or maybe we have learned that, like, oh yeah, I thought that thing was for me, and I realize it's not quit because the thing is not for you. After all, you thought you like it, but you don't. It's not what you thought it would be, or even because you feel your time with this thing is done, but not because of fear or self sabotage. But I do believe quitting is okay. I've quit a lot of things over my life just because I discovered maybe it was something I wanted to try, and then I discovered, like, oh yeah, I don't like this at all. So I think quitting is okay. And if we can be more honest with ourselves about whether we do actually want the thing or to do the thing, then it makes it a little easier for us to say, You know what, actually I don't do. I need someone else's permission to quit this do I need to go around collecting, you know, co signers for not doing this, for quitting this thing? But I know sometimes we can feel really judged about quitting, so that's my little stamp. If you're feeling like there's something you're self sabotaging yourself around and you're realizing it's because you really want to quit. So there you have it, seven sneaky self sabotages that may have been quietly running in the background, draining your energy, blocking your momentum or keeping you from fully stepping into your thing, whatever that may be. How many of these seven Have you seen in different areas or in different ways in your own life, remember these sneaky patterns don't make you wrong or broken. They make you human. The beautiful news is that once you see them, you can shift them. Awareness is the first step towards transformation with all of these seven sneaky sabotages. So be curious, be compassionate with yourself, and keep coming back to your why about thing? You're not behind, you're not too late, and you don't need to be perfect to begin or to keep going or to get started again, right? Let go of that self judgment. You need to be honest with yourself and brave enough to take the right next step. You've got this and I am here cheering you on every step of the way, so go get that thing and release these seven sneaky self sabotages. I hope that this episode has meant something to you. I would love it if you would let me know which of these you see yourself in. Or maybe there's some assessment and evaluation that you can do with the things coming up for you right now. Happy Spring. Y'all. Big hugs. Lots of love. If you haven't already joined my free community healings. Oh my gosh. Let me just mention this really quickly, you can go to my website, joyful medium.com, right in the Events tab, and it will show you all of the upcoming free community healings. I hold one every month. They are live on zoom with me. And even if you can't make the live, I do put out the replay, and you can receive all of the healing, all of the Reiki, the chakra clearing and balancing, all of the things on the replay. So if you want to sign up to get the Zoom link and to get the replays again, it's totally free. It's just a bit of a community service that I offer every month. You just go to my website, joyfulmedium.com in the events section, you can learn all about it, and you could sign yourself up. And I hope that you will come and receive so that we can start moving some of these sneaky self sabotaging behaviors and getting clear about what we want and learning how to receive and live our best and most fulfilled lives. Big hugs, lots of love. Bye for now. From inside Spirit SpeakEasy